The Proper Parent

Right then,

As many know I’ve been an at home Dad for the last five years. From ex-military contractor to “nappy table material management specialist / tantrum avoidance manager” the role change was rather extreme. Adapting to that role took a very very long time, and if any words I can offer help others treading in my shoes then I humbly offer them here.

If any have read this blog then they’ll notice a wide range of things I’ve written on, yet parenting has been a notable absence, mostly because it was something I felt rather crap at. The problem is that it isn’t something like office work, where are several strands of things going on at one time and you just juggle them till the stuff gets done. Home parenting is an open ended, chaotic mess, which gets periodically cleaned up and just occasionally there come moments of wonder and joy, but they aren’t often.

As we head into the summer break many of us may be feeling overwhelmed by the thought of 24 hour kids about. If you are like me you may be have been the dumping ground for all the neighbourhood kids. Admittedly we have the biggest house and garden with one of those blow-up pool jobbies in it, and thus we’ve been a mecca for the other kids. One summer we blew the thing up and out of the woodwork came six kids with their German towels, all ready to jump in which they did. We have been far too polite to say no and stop this, accepting it and hoping the other parents might one day reciprocate. This as the years dragged on, made itself clear, was never going to happen.

I’ve been angry with this situation for years, always the idiot clearing up others messes and never getting much free time for me. However today I suddenly stood up and said fuck it, The worm turned, the shoe was on the other foot and other cliches you might think of. Stressed after a long visit to me in the morning in my house I said to the foreign kids in German “This afternoon my kids will play at yours” “Oh I’ll have to ask my Dad” .Sure enough after lunch she ran over to us assuming as usual Idiot Dad would babysit for free as usual. When I said “No you will host my kids” she said “We have a wasp nest” I replied “then you will all play inside”.

i then got dressed and tested out my mobile to check it worked, scribbled it down and walked over and handed iot to the child’d Dad. I told him i was off on a bike ride and I needed to get fit. He said fine, What I didnt tell him was how long I’d be gone . about three hours which was as long as his kids had been at mine in the morning, to say nothing of how often they’d been only at ours.

I then buggered off for a fantastic free ride through country lanes with glorious views of tha Alps, a good long aerobic workout with fresh air, crickets and what I love, speeding downhill through forest tracks at full tilt. Upon my return I went to fetch my kids. The mother who was also there, didn’t look very happy with the fact that I’d just done to them what they’d spent years doing to me.

I’m in a better mood now as I stood up for myself, Will now make sure that the split in childcare is 50:30 not 90:10 against me as it used to be. I’d been too soft and had paid a heavy price. I now have a lot of my former confidence back, feel more in control and am more in love with being with my kids than ever.

So if that helps a stressed parent to cope better, to take five minutes out for themselves to regroup then reexamine your playdates and who is going to who more often. If you are the meek then get your act together and stand up for yourself, dump the kids and get out to enjoy an activity.

Oh, it’s blessed are the MEEK! Oh, I’m glad they’re getting something, they have a hell of a time.

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• parenting